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Espres"Solo ........ by VcHi, i'm VoDca February 02 change strange change#@$@#$ already 3:47pm.. still got work tomorrow.. why the hell am i still doing here..?
need to ring that lady at work tomorrow and clean the #@$# mess other people left behind...
Sorry i feel like swearing now!! so excuse me!! working fucking makes me retarded.. and make me more and more like a robot..
where does my free mind go..
sometimes just wanna quit my job and just play music for a year.. that probably will make me feel much better and more like a living and thinking creature..
recession..
Recession..
recession..
so..
what..
while there is still a little bit of me inside...
so make the most of it
$%@# getting better at play this "GAME" at work now..
sometimes i feel everything in life are just like differnt games.. work.. study.. money.. even love or family..
fucking be friends with your enemy right.. being fake and having that poker face..
i know how to deal with your fucking scambags!!
Working for Money!!
fucking saD!
January 22 Last year Christmas Break...FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED IN OUTDOORS & CHARLLENGES...
  Tongariro Alpine Crossing..
went there with Louise
 in Xmas Break 2008... the most challenging thing I have even done in my life so far...
19KM Track.. 8 Hours.. attitute 2000km ,,,
but you know... it is worth it...
(oh yeah check out my photos....)
"Summer.. please.. slow ..down..!! "
After the Tongariro Crosing.. I was so glad for myself that i quit smoking.. (such a big thing for me!!!!)
2008 proud of myself.. haven't touched one cigarettefor nearly 5 months!!! only thing.. is to keep it up......!!
January 02 2008.99is it too late
why do we have to say so many hurtful things..
is it too dumb
why did i fall so deep i cannot turn back..
每次在电话里我陪着你让你睡着。。直到你一声不出，直到你完全睡熟我才安心断线。。
看看钟已经4点了。。我一个人看着天花板喃喃自语。。我知道不管我在电话里说了什么你都听不到了
因为你已经睡着了。。 于是我放心对这空气说一些对你说不出口的话
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 。 明明相爱我们却让对方遍体鳞伤
逼向无处可走的角落
July 12 13 july 2008i tiried to wash all my sins off
but i can't wipe you out of my memory what can i say while i want more than just it want to get thru the worst and best time in life together maybe lets just be quiet all the words go out to the world but never arrive at your heart maybe lets just be quiet there is always a special seat for you in my heart that i would like you to enjoy lets watch all the leafs turn yellow watch the rising sun sink into milky way our past like a sword pierce in my heart that i would never forget just like the same song play again and again life repeats the same way again and again but i know you are special and i am special if life has to go on in seperate way let it be and keep beautiful May 04 i am a fucking loser最近不停咳嗽我TMD真想把我的心肝脾肺肾全咳出来算了....
lately... too much tears... i know everything has come to the end
i know i am a fucking asshole
i know i have done so much wrong things and
really really...
i don't deserve LOVE or be loved...
and i am very sorry...
i am very very sorry.....
April 15 life is wonderful don't you know?很自然的带着我的严重的燥郁症度过了几个春秋 April 09 跺不掉的痕迹 心动
有多久沒見你 以為你在那裡
原來就住在我心底 陪伴著我的呼吸 有多遠的距離 以為聞不到你氣息 誰知道你背影這麼長 回頭就看到你 過去讓它過去 來不及 從頭喜歡你 白雲纏繞著藍天 如果不能夠永遠走在一起 也至少給我們懷念的勇氣 擁抱的權利 好讓你明白 我心動的痕跡 總是想再見你 還試著打探你消息 原來你就住在我的身體 守護我的回憶 以前就很爱很爱这首歌。。最近偶然听到竟然还这么感动 那种心动的感觉 半夜思念一个人的到无法呼吸的感觉 其实真的是很美好 February 22 B.I.Y.O.K.Ebiyoke
I LOOK UPON HIGH
I SAW YOUR MOURN YOUR EYES YOU SING A MILLION TIMES I LOVE HIM WHAT KIND OF LOVE WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS THIS MADE YOU CRAVE SO MUCH THE POWER OF LOVE
THE POWER OF LIFE YOU WERE GREAT
THE FINEST WOMAN ON PLANET SO TELL ME WHAT KIND OF MAN WHAT KIND OF LOVE THAT MADE YOU DIE FOR THE POWER OF LOVE
THE PEACE WE FOUND the ecstasy the hysteria melted down on earth united into one the voice from the sky
the voice from the sky connected million hearts even the smallest cell in my body could expand larger than the universe.... something i wrote at work.. guess i was too bored hehe January 11 1 + 1 = 3i will master your language
read your wounded mind solace yourself from cigarrete and wine i will heal your insanity and peace your mind drown myself in music
taste the sweet tears look in a tiny mirrors scramble eggs like my mothers serous at night i saw your simle
as beautiful as an angel camera shoots you in a every angles actually you sing better than a nightingale too many things in the world to die for
so please allow me to use my last breath to save the loneliest man from everyday war dont burn yourself dont burn yourself use weapon in a proper way take off clothes .. yea.. you can be gay vc @home
 洗澡时突然想到以前在中学的时候，一次语文考试的作文我写法论功,写了什么记不得了，主要是讨论李洪志的领导能力
当时想想那个时候正是批判法轮功，人心惶惶的时候。。我当时还洋洋洒洒的写了满满2页的文章，
自以为自己写了篇大作，会得满分。。 哈哈 谁知道试卷发下来40分得作文我才拿了10几分。。 我还很不满还去跟老师吵架。。 想想都觉得好笑。。自己还挺nb. 其实我也是写自己的真实想法，为什么却不能被认可？ 想想好像我语文一直都不是很好。。 每次要写文章的中心思想的时候。。总是非常困难头痛，因为总是总是和老师说的不一样。。 可是每个人看东西，文章也好，音乐也好，事物也好，都会有不同的看法。
关于中心思想这个问题。。在学校的时候如果你不写和老师讲的一样的话，就拿不到分，
得分最好的方法就是去背下来。。想想怪不得那个时候会讨厌语文。。呵呵 现在长大了工作了，幸运的是现在还保留了以前的棱角，只希望自己以后不要be smoothen by the society吧 December 22 Me being me, you being youi have joined the few who dared to take a path they never knew, i realise it is not a questions of being different for difference
Dale G Stephens December 04 i spent 2.32 mins just thinking of this title...车子坏了！引擎blow up
还有几个小时就要开始我的公车生活了
不过公车上可以欣赏到以前没办法留意的生活细节
还可以用headphone听CD (much better sound quality u know)
生活总是有得就有失吧
sigh..为什么总是没办法存钱
想想工资一出不是用来交credit card,rent, bills, overdrawn accounts..
感觉自己很节省了
但没多久几天后账户上就没钱了 （到底钱都花去哪咧？？）
之后的一个多礼拜就过着credit card 和overdrawn的生活
（其实到底NZ有多少人一年真的存到一笔钱呢？）
如果上天突然掉下2000千纽币给我有多好？？
（e...为什么我才要2000？？。。果然不是贪心的人。。 - -）
December 03 I love my band Transpolar & my life!!刚跟ben聊了一会，他终于把我们第一首的dive into space的五分之一的歌写出来了。。
发了demo给我（我是第一个听到的！），听完感觉实在太棒了，抓住了我要的感觉（最重要还是很有你自己的风格哦）
-- 你找到了迷幻的感觉了小子， 果然没浪费我们在一起的时间 （尤其是hign完xx之后。。。哈哈）
（各位先让我冷静一会，平复一下激动的心情）
１
２
３
好了。。
Erica（听众）听完感觉说觉得很像Ｍｕｓｅ，其实还好，但是不能不提就是Ｍｕｓｅ的音乐对我的影响实在是太大了，如果有他们的影子在也是难免的
ＢＥＮ的风格和我的风格其实截然不同，他做出来的音乐总是很有热情和很激情的，就像火一样
我音乐的风格哼出来的调调总是很冷的比较悲伤忧郁（我也没办法。。）感觉就像杯冰水一样
大家发挥一下你们的想象力吧，两个截然不同的风格的融合（事实上却是很融洽的，我以前还为我们ｂａｎｄ的风格担心，因为大家风格很不一样）
但其实我发现这可能是我们Transpolar的Music Style，是我们和别人很不一样的地方,找到发亮点了:D （鼓掌）
我本来很想放上来给大家听听，可是商量之后还是等到整个歌写好了再给你们听（慢慢期待吧，保证不会让你们失望的，我们都是有才华的年轻人哈哈）
特别这里对ｂｅｎ说两句，
你真的很了解我，特别是我要写的东西。。上次跟你聊电话的时候，你把我想在这首歌要表达的话都理解了，而且说的比我还好阿（我天生语言能力不是很好，惭愧）
You are really my soul mate in music!! 认识你真开心阿！！ （今天我同事Matt又给我新的XX了。。(笑) lets enjoy it and get high next time lol ）
Life is full of hope, i still have the faith in it!!
I really look forward to our music!!
I believe we really can make it happen!!
I still belive Rock n' Roll can change the world!! (haha I'm such a fighter lol)
As everyone in our band Transpolar has so much passion for music!!!!
I love my band !!!! (heart heat heart !! )
 p.s 今天晚上开车的时候竟然在Motorway上死火了，有好心来帮我把车推到motorway旁边。。
好险不是在白天motorway正路上broke down,不然后果难以想象。。
看来上天还是对我很照顾的阿哈哈 （thanks so much Lord!! ）
December 02 路过mission bay的惊喜今天开车去mission bay喝beer的路上
看到路边停了一部van（面包车） 整个车面都是painting
车的主人应该是开着它travel整个new zealand 的
车后用很好看的字画写出一句话
life is about the journey, not destination” :)
It suddenly opened my mind lol
i hope it opens yours too
enjoy the journey of our life
December 01 been through a lot of thoughts latelyWent to the company christmas dinner party, didn't eat much didn't drink much didn't get much high, i think there are too much thoughts on my mine
the only happiest thing @ the company dinner party is ..Matt (my kiwi colleague) and I have a little jam at the time when party nearly finshed, i played the drums and he played guitar, but somehow we didn't jam along cos he plays only "METAL" but im not much into metal (too many double pedals lol), but anyways it was a happiest moment @ the company party i should say
After that we were then straight off to MUSE's birthday party (oh man what a rush). Muse Happy birthday to you again, I love ya from the first time i knew you because you have the same name as my favorite band MUSE lol. I should say you and Brain changed me alot, from the past i don't really like partying, hanging out with other people i don't know, i used to be cautious and not really opened myself to other pepole and i were happy just being surrounded by my little group of friends and i think i don't need more friends in my life because i think i had enough already... this is how i used to think before, this year 2007 changed me, i met you guys, made alot of new friends and actually the first time i think I felt happy and felt secured with the new friends and accepted a new different life style. Even thought we drink heaps, smoke heaps (smoke heaps of weed too haha) but when we get together and we can still have a deep talk and enjoy our good time (to me it is very important in my philosophy of friendship, it is being able to share with your friends things you really don't wanna tell others, yea i have a lot of things hiding inside, so do you... :)
Throughout last 4 years since my mother has gone, i have decided to change myself to stand at a more offering position, over the past a few years i tried my best to fulfill other people's promises, make everyone around me happy...because i think i owe so much to one person, that is my mother, all i did before is taking and taking from her, i made a promise to her, i said if i will never get merried i will buy you a big big house, buy you 2~3 pets you will enjoy your life when you get older... this is our last conversation on the phone, after that i didn't have chance to see her again hear her voice and everything again, i didn't fulfill my promise to her!!! i didn't have the chance!!! i am so sorry........ (i'm also sorry if i make you sad, because i am sad now, sometimes i even cried hard out in bed in the middle of night yea that is true..) so then after she is gone, i said to myself i will do anything to make everyone happy around me. and now, i am thinking i think i lose myself because i am the only one not happy.. why?? i thought if i made other people happy then i will be happy too but why it is not happening? all i know is i am not happy and i am tired. sometimes i said to erica i said i am really tired, i am not sure if she understands.. anyway, i feel tired now, i wanna be myself, i from time to time think of the song "you cant always get what you want" by rolling stone, because it is so true in my life, but i think right now I want to break through this gate, i wanna get what i want in my life and i don't wanna feel tired again and i wanna make myself happy even thought it is selfish sometimes. ( do you guys understand what i am saying now?)
time to go .. September 28 my first song-- Dive Into SpaceToday I finally completed the lyric of my song, it is called "dive into space"..
all the inpiration happened when i driving in the car.. when i feel i want to find a place so
that i can totally rest and forget everything and in kinda hoping everything will become better..
please be with me lets dive into the space and rest youself
Dive into Space
Lyric by Kuffy (Vodca) Copyright reserve
No satisfaction
And nobody cry
They don't care about you,
They left you behind
There is no women
And there is no men
There is nobody
there is never an end
Away from the crowd
I am facing myself
Again all of the sudden
I can see you clear
I am right on my way
I am coming alone
Again all I have
Are the lights and stars
I am searching for a place that is never existed
I am looking for a face I have never met
Going into nowhere and out of nowhere
I am diving into a space I will never go back
I want to put a smile upon your face
I want to be the star that is guiding your way
Going into nowhere and out of nowhere
I am diving into a space I will never go back........
September 03 什么是爱情？？最近 好友遇到一些爱情烦恼，突然我觉得一切的发生的前前后后
都似乎她把自己纠缠到一个难堪的位置，一切她自己也应该明白，
作为朋友也不用多说了．
什么３者关系什么暧昧什么失恋．．突然觉得这些的词汇对我都很
陌生，现在的我对爱情已经有了新的看法．不会因为喜欢上某个人
没成功而不开心，也不会因为什么为了尝试新３者关系，爱情对我
来说，更是一种稳定的长久的关系，１对１的唯一关系，我思考的
更多是责任和照顾如何让我爱的人更幸福，是很简单单纯的思考了．
一年多前，我抱着就是一个想有一个ＦＡＭＩＬＹ的想法而去恋爱了，
现在一些我们关系都很稳定，很简单，能每天抱抱 睡就足够了．
什么爱情的激情．．哈哈似乎都已经过去了，我们两个人都谈论过，
大家都是把家庭放前位（虽然家庭对我来说是第２，理想才是第一），
我们对爱情都是排很后面的，因为我们都已经把对方当做是家人了．
其实感觉两个人能一起活着，呼吸一样的空气，在一样的空间，就很
满足很感激了．一切的东西都来之不易，我只能说可能因为我失去过
所以我对我现在能拥有的只能加倍的珍惜． 其实珍惜只是很简单的事情．
很多时候不用把事情复杂化...
我大部分的时间花在乐队朋友工作上了．今天老板和经理DARREN跟我
谈了一会,说想转我到CORPORATE部门做SUPPORT,以后会给我更多的TRAINING,
学更多的东西,以后漫漫培养成CORPORATE IT SALES CONSULTANT.
因为他们觉得我短短两个月就做出不错的成绩(算算2个月帮公司卖了
27万纽币的IT产品吧,老板对我夸奖不断). 短短2个月能转去做CORPORATE做,也算是
变象升职吧,以后面对 的客人就不单单是RESIDENTIAL的HOUSEHOLD, 而且
很多公司和很多大公司的交易,钱应该也是不错的,更重要 是可以学到很多很多
KNOWLEDGE了.老板说卖东西,不单单是卖产品,而是卖RELATIONSHIP和卖KNOWLEDGE,
如果我能做到两个这样就THE BEST. 能碰上这样的机会,所以我也更好好做,花更多
的时间在工作事业上了.
曾经工作因为性格太直了,很多事情为了坚持自己的原则,而和同事之前有吵架遇到不愉快的事情也是有的.
所以我之前在一直思考一个问题,是否保留自己的棱角而还是随工作和环境而改变圆滑呢?
今天我算是得到了一个答案了:就是坚持做自己.因为做自己,大家慢慢会看到了解的,
暂时的误会是可以忍耐的,只要你做的好,还是会有人赏识的,所谓路遥知马力,日久见人心
说的就是这个道理吧.不管怎样原则是不能退让的,当然前提是YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB.
VODCA
August 22 随便写写感觉最近对indie electronica 越有越有感觉了
以前讨厌那种重复得电子乐,现在到慢慢欣赏起来
人得品位的确一直在变,品位也越变越好
其实年轻得时候 觉得除了punk朋克以外得音乐都不是音乐
现在想起来觉得像井底之蛙
年纪大了 听得越精 心态却平和 听得范围也广了起来
最近在听着德国得一个独立electronica得乐队,
有我喜欢得空间旷散感,感觉每个分子在身边得游动
Album：I Thought I Was Over That: Rare, Remixed and B-Sides
August 19 Transpolar乐队 updater!!!Bennie把我们在排练房的照片给改了呵呵,觉得挺有趣就放上来了~
看我的样子真的很累阿,因为礼拜六上了一天班,晚上继续到排练房
练到11点半~ 大家都照的不错,谢谢我们的manager啦 嘿嘿
Ben的加入,Transpolar真的好了很多!! 多一把吉他真是不一样阿!
而且Ben的技术真的不是盖的~~ 娃哈哈~~ 前途无量阿小子
离8月25日的演出日子真的越来越近了, 不过心情挺好,还是很有信心的.
还放了一张我们Transpolar logo的wallpaper, Tang设计的,感觉不错
期待摇滚之夜的来临!!!!
August 04 8月25!!!8月25!!!我们的处女秀!!!8月25日是个大日子!!
终于来到我们乐队的处女秀了!! (Tranz改名变Transpolar了,因为Tranz有被认为变性人的意思..- -"
不过我更喜欢Transpolar这个名字,很有空间感)
奥大学生会8月25日要办华人的乐队party,我们乐队有幸也参加了,今天也欢迎了新主音吉他ben
的加入,有个这个实力这么强的主音吉他,相信Transpolar应该总体实力也增强了很多.不过真的
很谢谢ben,因为这个家伙是从大老远Taranga,足足要两个小时的车才到auckland. 真的对你的
passion感动,大家一定要向同一个目标搞好我们的乐队了~~
我们挑了4首歌,如果大家825来奥大的shadows酒吧,应该就会看到我们和其他很棒的华人乐队.
(有志同道合的朋友真棒~)到时可能也会看到很多宣传海报,有TRANSPOLAR的名字的海报,真是期待.
虽然表演的时间很短,但是毕竟是第一次的处女秀,9个月踏出的第一步,值得提前庆祝一下.
我们表演的地点和时间如下:
8月25日 shadows bar @ Auckland Uni
9:30pm~12:30am
期待见到你们
Regards,
TRANSPOLAR' Vodca
July 14 大告一段落!!忙了2个多月,终于很多东西都上了轨道了.
如我所说的,我在3个月之内找到了一份工作,现在的工作
在pb technology做computer sales consultant. PB
可以说是全新西兰最大的电脑销售店, 我在工作的总店每天
都可以学到很多东西,很有挑战性, 一切都很好很好. pb听说是
很难得到的工作,可是我确很幸运的得到了. 老板在pb一直
都挺照顾我,员工也对我很好,pb的发展前途很大,我一定要
好好表现和努力工作了.
 我和erica的PR申请的资料也交上去了,资料准备了这么久
也算是告一段落,希望我们的PR申请成功,这样就安心很多.
今天upload了一张我和elva生日照,两个人都是6月9的生日.
elva,mum和自从高中这边的很好很好的朋友.最近elva
她参加了新西兰的华裔小姐,进了11强,呵呵,小妞不错阿,前3名
一定看好你!! 大家记得支持5号何恬吧!我们一定会为你加油的~
Best luck to you my friend!!
感觉好像似乎可以轻松一会了!! yay!! 最近天气太冷,我身体
也发烧生病了,希望大家都要保重身体!!!
另外谢谢你erica,在我生病的时候一直细心的照顾我,我心里
真的很感动,谢谢你.
Love,
VodCa
May 01 A final thoughtIt is 7:33am in the morning, I just made myself a good flat white (coffee).
This morning seems refreshing instantly.
The job originally working for Maestro Systems is not going to happen. Yasin (My boss)
said that he has to halt business activities and he himself needs to find a job too. This is
because he tried so hard but could't find any business/customers, the economy seems dull,
people do not want to invest money... dadadadada.. It will be a up-bill battle if we start the business.
Yea, BI (Business intelligence) in new zealand is hopeless.
Yea I admited I kind of totally count on this job at Maestro Systems, just like Tang said,
"hanging on one tree and awaiting dead"... Now I really think I gotta find myself another tree,
maybe a forest.
I need to reinvent myself, be active and be also realistic. Stop fucking dreaming about
the bright future or any craps if I don't put into my effort. I know I gotta find a job in a short time,
I will give myself a deadline that is within 3 months, I will find myself a good job within 3 months,
everybody sees this plesase testify for me, I will take your testification and support to empower myself.
"I need to reinvent myself."
Tomorrow will be better, but effot needs to be put in today.
It is a nice cup of coffee, I totally think through this, this is a final thought.
Graduation ceremony tomorrow!! Hope we will have fun!!
March 03 Good to be a little selfish sometimesthrough all these days,
i think i have learnt one thing, that is, i need to look after myself before others.
It sounds a little selfish, but it is true in some ways.
I maybe spent too much time on something else but not on me.
Whatever you want to do, it is up to you to make up your decision,
i tried my best, but if it doesnt work out, then i will not keep convincing you any more.
because too much care on you will only make you more capricious,
and right now i dont think i have enough time and energy to deal with your small little childish matters,
more importantly, i should focus more on myself.
 March 02 Here is to you!!!!!!!!I felt that I have found something i lost long ago
yay!!! what a great feeling!!
p.s.
 Happy birthday to mum Trayee!!Thanks so much for always being my best friend and mum!!
Celebrating to friendship this week~~
world peace, here is to mum!! Cheers!!!!!!!
February 27 OUR BAND: TRANS :虽然短短3个月时间，排练的次数也不是很多，
BUT i can feel the chemistry within our band!!
i am excited, im sure we can make it,
风格也越来越一致了，大家都在进步。我更加会努力来练我的鼓！！！！
googo go TRANS!!!!
/ TRANS /
Vocalist/guitar : Tang
Guitar: Tony
Bass: Bob
Drum: Vodca
lets make the next NIRVANA!!
p.s... 每次听radiohead都会给我很多灵感，ok computer真的是好的没话说！！
希望很快就有我们自己创作的歌！！！im very excited!!!!!
ENJOY MUSIC ENJOY LIFE!!
February 25 下定决心解脱了我到现在还是这么爱你，一想到分开我就很疼。
可是拖下去不是办法，我们也许真的不适合。
或许我们都太不成熟了。
我在这段感情里几乎失去了自我
直到你说我身上找不到任何优点。
我真的醒悟了。
刚和你在一起，你欣赏我，说我很多优点。。。虽然我都不承认
但是我知道因为你爱我，所以我知道，你说的是真的。
如今什么也不用在说了。.................
真的我一直以为你就是我一直要找的人
以为我找到你的，U COMPLETE ME
但是可能我太一相情愿了。
我并不是没有优点，我有很多，
也有很多值得我自己骄傲的事情，
还有我爱的朋友，音乐和咖啡梦。。
我并不是那么差的，不是的。
我一个人的时候事情总是很organized的
我不是没有优点，我们在一起，
我放下了很多身边对我很重要得事情（虽然这个时候你又开始责怪我了把东西都推卸你身上，可是是真的）
只怪我看你看得太重了。
我自己都看不见自己了。
现在我醒悟了，希望你好好生活。
我会活得很好得，以后也希望你会看到我得优点。
分手吧，
分手吧，
不要再想了，
我喜欢整洁得一刀两断而不是不清楚得纠缠不清
没有后路了，也不会回头了
如今这个决定定了，分开，我还是一样爱你，但是不能在一起了，心里想得只有希望你快乐，
慢慢长大做人，看到你过得很好得话，我想我不会后悔我今天得决定得。 |
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